Interesting Fact About Alcoholics

It is an interesting fact about alcoholics that we do not particularly care for being told what to do. Someone tells us we “have to do” something and we are automatically, viscerally turned against the proposed thing.

Someone says that the “best way” to do something is x, and we immediately access y in our memory banks while another part of our brain concurrently begins a search for z, the “optimal” solution. And people say we are killing thousands of brain cells with our drinking. Ha!

I have not seen any official studies supporting these theories, but we alcoholics tend to be sceptical of such studies anyway.

From the research, reading, and studying I have done, I have to recognise the fact that in some cases forceful, hard-hitting interventions are necessary. Such an event would be the prime time to tell an addict exactly what they need to do – but that direction must be preceded by explaining to them the effects on others and themselves of what they are currently doing.

Prior to reaching the point of an intervention, one of the worst paths of action you can possibly undertake with an alcoholic is to tell them what they “must” do.

We are clever (but stupid enough to wreck our lives with drink). We are stubborn and generally control freaks (but so weak that we become prisoners of booze). We have become accustomed to a life of subterfuge, resourcefulness, and independence (we have become masters of our destinies by becoming slaves to alcohol; we can acquire it by hook or by crook on our own, we don’t need anyone or anything….other than that liquid medication we find in each bottle).

We live in a state of denial, but I do not mean to say that “denial” means we are “liars” about that state. I heard a wonderful explanation of the concept of denial once. A therapist explained that she did not believe that “denial” equated to “lying”; rather, she espoused that someone who is severely addicted has reached a point where their brain is so constantly “fogged” that they actually no longer can comprehend much less acknowledge the state they are in. So all you Oprah fans can keep saying “Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt” and snapping your fingers. But know that the alcoholic who you consider to be lying is likely at least somewhat unaware of their true state of physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

Alcoholism is a somewhat unique addiction when compared to addiction to illicit drugs (and before anyone takes offence at that statement, I recognise that alcohol is a drug, but it is legal, and that’s the key point I’m trying to make here). An alcoholic can go to a convenience store, a bar, a liquor store, a shoppe, or any number of other places and get their stash on. A user of illicit drugs must make connections and contacts with other people to find and acquire their chemicals.

My point here is dead simple. Alcoholism is a very isolating disease – and I believe a key reason for that is we don’t need anyone or anything to easily acquire what we crave. “Druggies” have to network to score street drugs. “Drunks” can just wander down to the nearest Kwikee Mart and buy a bottle.

And so we become more alone and isolated. More convinced that we don’t need anyone to tell us “You have to do…”

It is a lonely road we walk, where we are convinced we are the “worst person in the world, the most miserable drunk ever, who else could possibly be so fucked up that they have a nice, stiff drink first thing after waking to make my hands stop shaking?”

So, for those of you who suffer from the disease I have, I say simply this: You are not alone. I guarantee that you will hear stories much like your own in AA meetings and in talking with others afflicted with the disease. We are each unique, but we also each have much in common

And for those of you with loved ones in your lives who are slowly but surely killing themselves with drink, I say simply this: Resist the temptation to tell them what to do, or to believe that you can “make them stop.” You can’t. Just be there for them, ready to help them find help when they are ready or able, and know that you are doing everything you can….and sometimes there is nothing you can do at the time.

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