Simple Tests for a Complex Problem

Simple tests for complex problems do not work. The disease of alcoholism is recognized and defined by Alcoholics Anyonymous as (among other things) “cunning, baffling, and powerful.” I believe this to be very accurate.

Regrettably, alcoholism is not a disease that can be easily “tested for” or proven or dis-proven. If you, a loved one, or anyone else you know believe you may have a problem or feel that you or they drink too much, it is certainly worth examining further. However, in my own experiences and the experience of others, I have seen a variety of tempting but ultimately unproductive ways to approach that examination.

The first and most frequently-used simple test is, I believe, among the worst because it is so inaccurate: “Do you ever drink alone?” This is far too black and white a question, yet is considered by many laypeople to be a good jumping-off point for deciding that an intervention is in order for anyone who answers “Yes.”

The most simple rebuttal I have to that is the scenario of a single person who wishes to occasionally have a drink  but does not drive after having even a drop of alcohol (a very good policy, by the way). If they go home and have one or two drinks after work by themselves, they would answer “Yes” to the question of whether they ever drink alone. Are they an alcoholic? Not necessarily.

A friend of mine who is aware of the fact that I am a recovering alcoholic and I were talking the other day, and he said, “Man, what a day I had! I felt like I really could use a drink after I got off work.” He then sheepishly apologized for saying that to me. I told him no apology was necessary – alcohol is in our society, for better or worse, and you have to get used to that.

He then asked me if feeling the “need” for a drink after a stressful day at work was a sign that he had a problem. It took me a minute to really process that and formulate a helpful answer. In the end, I replied:

I don’t think it’s that simple. Many people have days like that from time to time, and sometimes a drink is a nice little treat for someone after such a day. If you find yourself feeling that way quite often, or if you have more than one after a stressful day, you might have a problem. But it’s a cunning and complex disease, not one that is prone to simple tests. It’s good to ask yourself questions like that, but from what I know of you, you do not have a problem.

There are many other “basic” tests that people try to use. In the end, I think they are at best overly simplistic and, at worst, are used by some people to rationalize the outcome they want – “I don’t do x” (where x is a basic test), so “I do not have a drinking problem.” Alcoholics are masters of rationalization, often attempting to apply rules to limit their drinking (such as “I will not have a drink until 8 p.m.” or “I will only drink beer from now on”) to “prove” they don’t have a problem.

Would you like some simple tests? The first one is quite basic but requires honest, thoughtful reflection in responding to be of any use:

Are you concerned about the impact of your alcohol consumption?

If you have reason to ask this, whether you are asking it of yourself or with regard to a loved on, I would encourage you to spend some time reflecting on why you are asking the question.

Another simple test is:

Do your hands shake uncontrollably when you wake up? Do they stop shaking after you have had one or more drinks?

Aside from neurological conditions, the “morning shakes” are often a sign of physical dependence on alcohol. If they “clear up” after you drink, you need help. Now.

Other signs of alcohol dependence include:

• waking up one or more times during the night to have a drink to “help you sleep”
• profuse sweating when not drinking and/or while sleeping
• periods of time that you cannot remember
• obviously, a strong odor of alcohol (or even rubbing alcohol if you drink vodka because “it doesn’t have an odor”)
• aside from an odor of alcohol, many heavy drinkers will have a very strong odor of vinegar in their perspiration; if you smell vinegar when you wake up, your body is going into a state in which it cannot process the alcohol properly; again, get help – immediately

Alcoholism is indeed a very cunning, baffling, and powerful disease. It is progressive – without help, it will continue to get worse and worse. It is also fatal if untreated. If you get nothing else from reading this article, please get this. I have friends who drank themselves to death. I nearly drank myself to death. It is a painful, lonely, slow way to die.

There is help. There is light at the end of the tunnel. And there is no shame in it. Because we are anonymous, there are far more people who have struggled in similar ways than you know. You can get help. Just ask.

Please feel free to contact me anonymously if you don’t know where else to turn.

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